How Writers Deal With The Fear Of Judgment

“The moment that you feel that, just possibly, you're walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself. That's the moment you may be starting to get it right.” Neil Gaiman

You can’t write that.
You can’t think that.
You can’t imagine those things.
You don’t have permission to be that person, to publish these words. You’re a good girl.
What will people think of you?

This is an excerpt from The Successful Author Mindset. Available now in ebook, print and audiobook formats.

That’s my inner critic speaking as I wrote Desecration, the first book where I stopped self-censoring my writing. But I was petrified about people judging me for that book.

I've always been a good girl, a people-pleaser, and I want people to like me. I don't like conflict, I don't like arguing. I want people to think I'm doing the right thing.

I always did well in exams, I went to Oxford University, I got a good corporate job and climbed the ladder. I always pay my taxes early! But being a good girl, or a good boy, can stop the creative muse from what it really wants to say.

So it was terrifying but also liberating to indulge my fascination with tattooing, body modification and medical history in Desecration. I tackled the forbidden through my characters and went deep into myself. Those currents swept me onto Delirium and Deviance, the next two books in the trilogy.

I indulged the crazy and the taboo. (In my books, of course. My life is pretty tame!) It turns out that my stories are dark and twisty when I let my author voice run free, and I have to keep reminding myself not to self-censor when I come to the blank page.

Or I would just stay safe in the shallows.

Can you identify with this?

Now that I have given myself permission to let the raw side of me loose on the page, I’m finally finding my true voice. A friend told me soon after Desecration was published that I've changed since I've become a full-time writer. But I think it's just that the inner me is finally making it to the surface after years of suppression and conformity to what society expected of me. I'm done with taming the crazy.

Our most powerful writing comes from the subconscious, that part of the brain we access when we shut down that inner critic and just let the words come. Fear of judgment will shut that part down, and we have to learn to let it go. Yes, it's a risk, but it's the only way your work will sing.

We all have fears that we need to conquer as authors.

Why do we write if not to tackle the fears that others look to us to conquer? So how do we tackle this fear of judgment?

Antidote

Understand that the book is not you

When people judge your book, remember that they are not judging you as a person. I might write about ritual murder in an Egyptian tomb (Ark of Blood), but clearly that’s not what I do in my real life! If you read my blog or listen to my podcast, you’ll know I am unfailingly positive and generally very happy! We are all complex creatures and our work is merely one aspect of our character at a specific point in time.

The easiest way to deal with fear of judgment around one book is to write another book, because who we are right now changes and the next book is something else again. We morph as our work does, or vice versa. I find the fear of judgment lessens with every book I put out there, because I've moved on.

Be strong and steadfast but also surround yourself with people who understand you.

My husband is (fortunately) understanding of my desire to visit strange spots when we go on holiday. On a romantic weekend in Budapest, we spent our time at the House of Terror and the mass grave in the old Ghetto of the Synagogue. In Paris, it was the catacombs where the remains of six million people lie in macabre underground decorative crypts. Both of these experiences were turned into scenes in my ARKANE thrillers.

These macabre interests are part of me and once I began to acknowledge them, I found others who enjoy them too. I hope you can find like-minded people who support your research and career, even if it's not your family or friends. Chances are you can find a community online, whatever you're into.
Understand that embracing the shadow side is psychologically healthy

In Jungian psychology, the shadow is a critical part of our whole self. Life is not all sweetness and light and there is only a thin veneer of civilization over our ancient animal selves. Death and fear, violence and sex will always be part of our culture, so as writers it’s important to embrace that and reflect it in our writing. When the things we fear are on the page, they have less power over us.

Consider using a pseudonym

If your fear of judgment is justified, then consider using a different name. Many erotica authors use pseudonyms to protect their identities, and it’s definitely the way to go if fear is stopping you from writing at all. It can also be a way to expand into other brands without impacting your existing reputation or confusing/offending your audience e.g. a traditionally published literary author writing indie romances on the side, or a children's author writing horror.

“The reaction to your art does not belong to you – and that is the only sane way to create.” Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic

This is an excerpt from The Successful Author Mindset. Available now in ebook, print and audiobook formats.