“To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.” Aristotle
“I'm scared of criticism. I want praise. I want everyone to like me and my book. That's why I'm scared of bad reviews and cruel comments. I don't think I can take them. What if I never write again because of something someone says? What if my book actually is bad? What if the criticism is true? Sometimes I wonder if it would be better if no one ever read my work, because then no one would attack me.”
Even though I had a lot of support from my family during the process, there were still comments that hurt:
“Why can't you write something more like [famous literary writer]?”
“Why can't you write something nice that I can tell my friends about?”
Clearly I did go on and publish, but this fear is still very real.
There are many levels of criticism and rejection that we face as writers. They may come from:
- Writer's groups and other authors
- Editors, agents and proofreaders
- Family, friends and people we love
- Critics, reviewers, bloggers and people on social media
- Readers through bad reviews or even just lack of sales, which is a kind of rejection in itself
We identify with our work, so we feel that rejection of the book is essentially rejection of us as people. As Gustave Flaubert said, “We serve up a portion of our gut and the critics get the knives out.”
You may have bared your soul in your book and, of course, it reveals something about you. Criticism will always hurt because you care about your work.
Of course, there are times when rejection and criticism can be useful:
Rejection by an agent or a publisher who is not a good fit for your book is a blessing in disguise because you may find a home for it elsewhere or happily self-publish later.
One or two-star reviews hurt (so I generally don't read them!) but if you have lots of four and five-star reviews, the one-stars will make your book sales page look more authentic. The top prize-winning and bestselling books always have a lot of bad as well as good reviews, so a range is to be expected if your book is read by many. Of course, if your book only has one or two-star reviews, then consider that feedback. You have either categorized the book incorrectly and you haven't met reader expectations, or it's not good enough so you need to take the book down and get another edit before re-publishing.
But at least people are noticing your work if they are criticizing it. Silence can be much worse!
So, how do you know when criticism is valid or not?
There are some times when you need to take note of comments and other times when you need to ignore them.
A good critic knows what they are talking about but also knows their limits. They are respectful, they give examples and they judge your work by the right criteria. For example, I would never take editorial feedback from a children's book specialist editor for my thrillers.
A bad critic doesn’t give examples and they judge your book by incorrect criteria. For example, the literary critics who reviewed 50 Shades of Grey were never the target audience for that book, and readers of erotic romance generally loved it.
“Hear criticism and weigh it against your inner truth.” Julia Cameron
Antidote
When it comes, don’t turn the criticism over and over in your mind.
Don’t focus on the negative or give it more energy. Try using mindfulness as a technique. Be aware of what you're feeling, observe your thinking, watch your mind in action. Focus on the moment and not the feelings and thoughts that are escalating in your brain. Stop the mental tapes running. Catch yourself before you spiral into despair!
Understand the importance of criticism from editors and beta-readers, which helps to improve your work.
Yes, it hurts to receive editorial feedback but it gets easier with each book because you have evidence of improvement. When I get my edits back, I still take a deep breath before opening the document and I will only look at them when I am energized.
Never work on edits if you're tired!
If you get useful criticism on your work early, you will lessen your chances of rejection later. The criticism has to be high-quality though, and from the right people.
I am personally wary of writers' groups, and don't belong to one. I prefer to pay for feedback from professionals rather than listen to comments from unpublished writers who might not even like my genre. Many writers' groups skew toward literary writing and may belittle genre writers, so be sure to find people writing within your genre.
Be careful whose opinion you listen to.
The fear of criticism and rejection is often worse than the actual reality.
A supportive community is important for weathering the storms of criticism and rejection.
Join a group of people who are going through the same issues. I don’t think I could have written even one novel without the encouragement of my blog and podcast community. (Thank you all!) I also recommend the Alliance of Independent Authors, which has a fantastic Facebook group where we share issues and what we learn.
For more on this topic, check out Resilience: Facing Down Rejection and Criticism on the Road to Success by Mark McGuinness, or check out the interview on the topic here.
“If you are remarkable, some people won't like you. Criticism comes to those who stand out.” Seth Godin